Open note to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Dear Mrs. Clinton,
Your loyal constituents in New York need you. Will you heed their call? The red phone is ringing in the highest office of the Empire State.
No one but you, Hillary, has crossed the threshold of experience sufficient for the job. Your experience in cleaning up after cheating prominent male politicians uniquely qualifies you for the Governorship of New York.
The red phone is ringing, Mrs. Clinton. If it is the "madam" calling for Spitzer, tell her that you are taking over. Tell her that, even though Eliot was one of your most adamant and original supporters, you have "rejected and denounced" his endorsement of her services.
I know, I know, you reeaaaalllly want to be President. But your lifetime of service to the people of New York beckons your leadership. Don't worry, in 2016, all of the important states will look to your leadership in New York and overwhelmingly see you as the most qualified monster on the Presidential ticket.
Hillary for Governor of New York!
(snarks abound)